Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to offer you a new item in the Apple lineup – the iSteve.*  We at Apple are known for a culture of innovation and an attitude that no bar is too high.  To that end, we have developed a product that will change the way you live.  Why wait for new Apple products to be announced?  Why wait for Apple to announce that new iPad upgrade in six months at a flashy keynote?  Now, just buy the iSteve.  We’ll send you a piece of Steve’s old liver** and you can clone him for yourself!  Just add a supply of black turtlenecks, blue jeans, and a massive corporate infrastructure and you can have your very own Apple-like innovation.***

*This is a work of parody and no trademark infringement is intended.  However, if Jonathan Ive happens to come across this and would like to contribute a short video talking about the magic of the iSteve I would really appreciate it.  All in good fun, of course.

**I do not have a piece of Steve’s liver.  Do not ask me for pieces of Steve’s liver.

***Apple will, of course, retain all rights to any new works by iSteve.  iSteve is not to be installed on nonstandard genetic hardware, and by reading this statement you agree that you are only licensing iSteve (and thus do not “own” it) which can be disabled at any time by a simple software update.

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